Helping Someone in Depression

Often times, those facing depression feel as if they are a burden for those around them although it might not be the truth at all. Although they are aware that they still do have friends and family who deeply care for them, being in the depressed state places them in such a vulnerable position that they fail to believe this. They end up feeling as though they are a burden and that the world would be a better place without them being present. Those are the feelings and thoughts that I used to experience frequently and I still do experience it every now and then. Depression is not a one day or two day battle. It's more like a battle of the mind and emotions as one would have to battle the demons of his or her own thoughts and emotions in order to prevent self-destructive actions.

In Shaa Allah, in this post, I would like to highlight a few steps that one could do to help those suffering from depression. However, I am not sure if this would apply to everyone facing the similar problem as everyone has different personalities. Nevertheless, I can be certain of one thing which is that if you do know someone who is suffering from depression, please do reach out to them and tell them that you care, especially if they are your loved ones. Do not let them to continue drowning into the state of loneliness and despair.

1. Be aware that they feel as if they are a burden

As I mentioned earlier, those suffering from depression would feel as if they are burdensome. Their thoughts and feelings often don't make sense. Mostly, they would be aware that everything that's going on is 'irrational and stupid' which hence results in them having the perception that if they share their troubles with their friends of family members, they are being a burden. This thought also arises as they feel that others would need to attend to other more important things in their life (work, studies & etc.) instead of being there for them and listening to their troubles. So, what you have to do to help is that you have to convince them that you are willing to listen and that you would try your best to be there for them. It's also very crucial to tell them that you don't feel it's burdensome as you care for them. However, the tricky part is in convincing and proving to these individuals that you really do care about them and you want to help in the best possible way to understand their situation.

2. Proving that you care

Individuals suffering from depression tend to have very high expectations in relationships. They often feel lonely and depressed which would usually make them withdraw from their friends and family. It usually takes a lot of effort for them to open up about their feelings of depression even to those closest to them as they have the fear of being judged. However, once they start opening up, they tend to be dependent on you to be their listeners. 

They also tend to be overly sensitive if they don't get replies to messages (even if it could be a simple Hello/ how are you text). They get hurt very easily and would assume that you are not replying to their messages as you are tired of listening to their troubles. Even if you do reply but it doesn't meet their expectations (maybe they sent you an essay long message but you only replied with two sentences), it will cause them to feel that they are burdensome. This may even result in them withdrawing from you by not replying to your messages, withdrawing from the social media, switching off their phones and so on. What you should do when this occurs is try your best to reach them in whatever way possible. Continue SMS-ing, calling or sending them emails to let them know that you do care for them. Even if they don't reply, just continue to find ways to tell them that they are loved and being cared for. Eventually, once they regain their trust in you that you do care for them, they will start opening up again. 

You also have to understand that they don't like being dependent on people to share their feelings but
 if they don't do so, it eats them up on the inside. So, it's important for you to give them the message that you don't mind them being dependent as you know that they are going through a hard time. This can be done by not simply waiting for them to send you messages or calling for help. Instead, you should check on them often (every 2 days or so) to see how they are doing. 

3. Make them feel needed

Those suffering from depression would have thoughts that the world would be a better place without them. They often feel that they are not needed by their friends and family. People around those suffering from depression would often assume that they wouldn't want to add burden to these individuals by asking for help or sharing their troubles with those suffering from depression. This perception simply makes things worse for depressed individuals as their thought of 'not being needed' is reinforced.

Therefore, if you do have a friend or family member going through depression, you should do the opposite of this. Make them feel like they belong and that they are a huge part of your life. Share your troubles with them and seek for their advice. They would feel a lot better knowing that you are sharing your problems with them and that they are not only the one whose being 'dependent'. This would also help them to reduce the the thought that they are being a burden. Helping you in any way possible would make them feel better about themselves.

Besides these 3 ways to help depressed individuals, one of the key points is to be a good listener and avoid statements like 'I know how you feel'. Instead, instill positive vibes in them by saying things like:

~ 'I don't understand what you are going through but I do know that you are going through a difficult time. In Shaa Allah, I will be here to listen when you need me' 

~ 'This must be really difficult for you to endure but keep holding on tight to the rope of Allah as He will never let you down. He is always there, listening and He won't test you more than you can bear. In Shaa Allah, I will try my best to support you in the best way possible and I hope that Allah grants you recovery soon. And don't worry, I don't consider helping you as a burden. We are all like family already so I think it's only right for me to help a friend in need' - a friend once said something along these lines to me and it did make me feel more positive at that point when I felt as if I was drowning in darkness.

It's very important to ensure that whatever you say to them is sincere and comes for the depth of your heart as the words that come from the heart would pierce through the other person's heart and make them feel better, In Shaa Allah. 

So, those are a few tips that I would like to share. Do remember that being friends with someone who is going through depression is not easy and it requires a lot of hard work to maintain such a relationship. It's however one of the most noble things that anyone could do, really. The friends who have helped me through my battle were indeed some of the kindest souls I have met and I can't repay them in any way for being there for me when I needed the support.