Are you alright?

Sometimes, all we need to hear are those three words, or any other phrases which mean the same thing.  It does hurt when people assume that we are doing just fine when the whole world seems to be crumbling (exaggeration much). The message I would like to convey is that if you see someone who is going through a tough day, it wouldn't hurt to just utter those three words, would it?

That's the beauty of living here in Australia. People always make it a point to ask 'How r ya?'. It's more like a culture embedded in the people here and apparently, you are expected to always say 'I'm great' but oh well, that's kind of good as you have to force yourself to smile and be okay just for that moment, at least!

Okayy, back to my assignments! :)

Farhanah Adam.

The Power of Believing

The day didn't go as planned. I woke up later than I was supposed to and I felt extremely sick. The same thought of 'Urghh... Another Day!' crossed my mind. I got out of bed and saw the pile of work lying on my study table. The thought of having to complete all that made me feel even worse.

As usual, I switched on You Tube and looked for some music to accompany me while completing the mundane assignments. Lately, this video of Humood AlKhudher singing 'Kun Anta' has been going around and I decided to check it out only to come about this amazing video of which its lyrics were soothing to my heart. It's called, Aseer Ahsan by Humood AlKhudher. A part of the lyrics are as follows:

Yes, I'll be better

Nothing can stop me

As long as I'm alive

I'll do what I've to do

I'm not afraid, I won't stand still

I'm moving ahead, my heart's my guide

I own the cure for the challenge

Even in the hardest and most painful situations

The song's in Arabic but it really made an impact on me as I've been listening to it all day, alternating it with other songs of course. It's as if I'm telling myself countless times that I will get better and well, you are what you tell yourself. Anyway, here's the song to those who would like to check it out! Trust me, even if you don't understand Arabic, the lyrics are simply beautiful :)

Farhanah Adam.

Whatever You Deem It Is

Getting up everyday, asking myself 'Why am I still alive?' is indeed a crazy thought to have. Everyone I know has been telling me that I have to be grateful to live another day, for Allah has given me the chance to be a better person and to recover from whatever situation that I'm currently in. They have told me countless times that I have to be strong and I have to keep going for indeed, the end is going to be worth it. That Allah loves me and through this, He will expiate my sins. That one day, I will finally understand why Allah placed me in such a difficult situation.

I understand where everyone's coming from. They are asking me to have Faith in Allah, to believe that there's good in everything, just like the hadith of the prophet which states that there's good in every affair of a believer. They are all telling me to believe in His promise.

Alhamdulillah, I believe in everything that has been said. I know that Allah's promise is true. I know that. It's just that when things become so hard, when getting out of bed becomes a chore, when living itself is a chore of its own, how am I suppose to 'keep going'? How am I to smile and to stay happy for I can't even feel grateful for the many things I have been blessed with? Despite knowing that I have so much to be thankful for, I just can't see the positives in life and feel happy. It's as if my emotions are numb to feel joy. It's only sadness that I often feel. Thoughts of ending my life conquer my mind but thanks to Islam, I know that only He has the right to do so. Only He can take away life from me. I know it's a morbid thought to have and that I should never think this way, but I can't seem to have a sense of control of my own mind.

Despite all that I have said above, I'm still alive right now, staring at this blank page and thinking about 'Why Am I Here?'. Again, I know that the ultimate reason is to worship Him and to live my life in order to attain His blessings. Then again, this whole concept is so difficult to truly be practiced. As a first year student studying abroad with numerous challenges in my way, I have tried enjoying my studies and living the 'robotic' life of getting up, going to Uni, performing my 5 daily prayers, studying through the night, keeping myself entertained through the social media and reading, I just feel myself questioning my existence time and time again. It's as if I'm currently doing what I'm doing because I don't have a choice to do anything else and simply because at the age of 20, it's a requirement to attain a degree. Don't get me wrong, I really used to love studying and gaining knowledge but with the hectic schedule of uni life, this whole ideology I had about studying for the sake of knowledge has been ruined.

And, I find myself thinking this: 'If I were to die today, would that make a difference at all, really?'. Well, maybe my friends and family would mourn over my death for a few days or weeks at most, but after that? I will be forgotten. And even if I place this situation in terms of how Allah would evaluate me, I don't think I'm worthy of His Jannah, really. For all I have done is complain about His blessings.

I want to be defined more than my grades, more than the uni I am in, more than which scholarship I am under, which country I'm studying in and I want to be defined more than the degree I will eventually attain. I want to feel that it's okay to feel sluggish and to feel that life it's worthless but use to use that morbid thought as a source of motivation to get back up and to search for my true meaning of existence. 

I know that a huge part of my current state is my inability to let go of my past fears and to just move on with life. I have been restricting myself to too many things I wanted to do such as blogging about mental health, considering that the society may end up judging me. But in the end, when I suffer, it comes back to me and Allah. Society can only support with their comforting words. I can't deny that I'm feeling completely horrible today but then again, I have responsibilities which consists of assignments piling up to be completed. I now see it as a burden because I have deadlines and I don't even have time for myself. Every single day of the week is devoted to work, work and more work but I have to admit that my time management skills aren't admirable, either. I often succumb to wander where is the old me, who had the determination and drive, the passion and that fire to do well in my studies? Though I do wish that I had that girl back, I sometimes reflect and realize that it's better that she isn't around anymore for at that point of her life, studies was all that mattered to her. Now, she has to search for her true meaning of existence and ensure that she doesn't fall into the trap of the modern world.

Well, I honestly don't know what was the exact message I was trying to deliver through this but I do feel slightly better for indirectly, I have expressed my gratitude towards Him (i think).

Farhanah Adam.

I Love You

These 3 words can make such an impact when uttered. But I honestly feel that they are simply overrated. How can you say that you love someone you just met? To me, the only people whom I could utter these words to with full sincerity are to my parents, closest family members and to my best friends. Love is subjective, I agree and I am no one to question this. It just gets to me quite a bit when these words are used so easily. Well, maybe my perspective is too pessimistic but I for one believe that one must mean every word being uttered. Don't say things for the sake of saying them.

Anyway, with that being said, I feel that these same three words have such a profound effect on an individual's self-esteem. To feel that no one loves you and that you don't deserve to be loved can be very demotivating and depressing. And, these 3 words are definitely to be blamed as the society's perception of love has become so distorted that this feeling has become a common one. It's about time I change my attitude towards how these 3 words are going to affect me.

I guess that it has got to start from asking myself- 'So what if everyone doesn't love me? After all, those who matter to me isn't everyone. Allah and my parents love me'.  It's also important for me to start loving myself. In Islam, we have been thought to love Allah above everything else in this world. I have this sudden awakening that in order to fall in love with Allah, you have got to love yourself- the creation that you are closest to. By going through a journey of self-discovery, I guess that one will learn to love himself/ herself which will eventually lead to loving Allah s.w.t- the Creator.

Also, a lot of us are too busy searching for love elsewhere and waiting for those 3 words to be 'sincerely' uttered to us. That's when we end up going through heartbreaks and disappointments because after all, those who will unconditionally love us are none other than our parents and our Creator. So why not make a change? Don't let these 3 words affect you. Change those words to 'I Love ME' and utter it to yourself daily. The hardest thing to do is again, to believe the words that you are telling to yourself. To do that requires a process - to make yourself worthy of your own love and I guess that it comes back to your definition and perspective about love.

To me, this process of loving oneself falls back to Islam, the ultimate way of life- according to the Sunnah of Rasulullah. It's definitely not easy but it ain't impossible to exemplify Rasulullah's way of life. Change takes time and it requires persistence. Having that sheer determination and persistence to change one's lifestyle itself will help one to fall in love with themselves. I haven't tried it but I guess that 'Life begins with realization' and I'm glad that I have realized that I have to stop allowing the distorted view of love to affect me.

Let's stop chasing everyone's love and start loving ourselves. Let's wake up everyday with a smile and utter to ourselves, 'I love ME'.

Man's Greatest Enemy

Bravery is subjective and to each person, it's definition may differ. Often times, 'great actions' such as those presented in Superhero movies are deemed as brave and the so called 'smaller actions' are overlooked.

To me, to be brave means to face your fears. I feel that as human beings, we tend to take this act of bravery for granted and not acknowledge those who have managed to overcome their fears. Some fears that other people face may sound irrational to us. Hence, we are prone to react in a negative manner when someone expresses their fears. Unknowingly, we may hurt them and make them feel more inferior by passing statements such as, "Grow up! It's nothing". 

Well, I have to admit that I have passed such remarks before as a joke, without realizing the impact that it may have on someone. It's only now that I realized how wrong I was in doing so as at the end of the day, no two people are the same. We are all unique, with different fears, some which may seem trivial to others but big in our eyes.

Fear is man's greatest enemy and it requires a lot of courage to face them head on. If not dealt with, fear would eat you up and prevent you from pursuing your dreams. Fear is also a game of the mind, a psychological battle. Each time you're afraid, ask yourself why and write down those reasons. You will realize that some of the reasons are irrational but nonetheless, you're still afraid. Then, figure out how and when you developed the fear. Once you have all this written down, you will be able to put things into perspective and facing those fears would be a lot easier.

However, let me tell you that it also takes a lot of courage and bravery to be honest with yourself in answering those 'whys and hows'. As human beings, we all have an ego-defensive mechanism to protect ourselves from being hurt and from facing reality. Thus, it takes courage to break our ego and to tell ourselves the truth. Once you are able to do this, half the battle of facing your fear is over.

The 2nd half of the battle involves action- to face your fears. Depending on circumstances and the magnitude of the fear to the individual, one has to decide on how to face those fears. Taking small steps at a time would help but let's just say that you're afraid of doing something that would only come once in a lifetime. Are you going to let that opportunity to slip away just because of your fear? Are you going to allow fear to take charge or are you going to take charge? Consider all the repercussions of the decision you are about to make. Think wisely. 

10 years down the road when you look back, are you going to regret the decision you made to not face your fears? Also, during this period of confronting your fears, just think about "what's the worst hat could happen if I were to do this?". It's important for your answers to be rational and it would be best to get those closest to you to evaluate it. By doing this, you will be prepared for the worst and at the same time, you will be more optimistic as most probably, your 'wild imagination' of the worse ase scenario would be irrational.

My father once told me this: 'You will not know your true potential until you're challenged'. Fear is your enemy and it's challenging you, acting as a barrier from self-discovery and from allowing you to believe in yourself. Knowing this, you have to gather all the courage and bravery in you to face it. The only way to get rid of your fear is to face it!

Trust me, once you have overcome your fears, you will feel a sense of liberation. You are finally free from those chains of fear that bounded you from doing things that you have always wanted to do. As for myself, only after confronting some of my fears, I could finally digest my father's words: "Only the sky and destiny is your limit. Don't let anything else stop you".

Be brave and face your fears!

Beyond Comprehension

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.
"In the name of Allah, the Kindest and Most Merciful"

Upon typing the translation of the verse that I would usually recite countless times daily, the depth of its meaning just struck me. Reading this means that I believe and acknowledge that Allah is the Kindest and Most Merciful. Subhanallah, Allah really does have a way of showing His blessings and signs to His weak servants who are often blinded by their own ego and 'rational' thinking. This brings me to the topic of discussion which would highlight on one of my humble experiences during a Journey which I have no means of comprehending His plans for me.

Umrah. When someone tells you that they just returned from this spiritual journey of love, as a Muslim, one would generally assume that this journey was an awakening and enlightening process for the individual. Well, obviously Man! You're in the House of Allah and the Mosque of Rasulullah s.a.w. I mean, how can you not feel His love and feel closer to Him like never before?

The only answer I have to this is that Allah has decreed different experiences for different individuals which means that this pre-assumption is not necessarily true. Umrah can be a beautiful journey for some and it can also be a test for others. Yes, you didn't read that wrongly. A test. That was exactly what I experienced and honestly, I was really angry and frustrated with how circumstances were on my end as I felt that Allah was being unfair. I felt that there was no two ways about Umrah- that it had to be a spiritual journey of worship to Allah and I would experience the sweetness of Iman through it. I was entirely wrong about this and the root of my frustration was that I forgot Allah's command in Surah Al-Baqarah:

"And it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows, while you do not know" (2:216)

It's been two weeks since I returned from Umrah and only now, I'm starting to realize how wrong I was in the way I perceived things. I will never be able to fully understand the 'logic' behind His plans despite my 'rational' thinking because He is the best of planners and sometimes, His plans are just not meant to be understood by us, humans.

"But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the Best of planners" (8:30)

With that said, I must always believe in this and looking back, the hikmah behind His plans are slowly prevailing. My awakening was different as it is slowly happening now, I guess. Though it is taking a toll on my Iman, I now realize that Allah has His own ways of showing me the right path, In shaa Allah. Going to the mosque today and hearing the Imam recite al-Fatihah so beautifully almost made me cry. I don't think I would have appreciated Jemaah prayers in a Mosque this much if not for the test that Allah had put me through during my Journey in the Holy Land. Valuable lessons have been learnt through my Umrah trip and only now, I am able to see things. Alhamdulillah, better late than never! :)

One of the most crucial lesson learnt was that in performing any actions, intention (niat) is crucial. Before going for Umrah, I was so hyped up about having the opportunity to be close to Allah, to pray and worship Him as I wanted to feel the sweetness of Iman. I'm not saying that it's wrong to think this way but my ultimate intention of going for Umrah should have been not for me but for the sake of pleasing Allah and attaining his redha.

I now know my mistake and this deviation of my intention might have been the root cause of the emptiness that I have & still am feeling for the past 2 years or so. I was always hunting for that 'sweetness of Iman' in my Ibadah, forgetting the ultimate purpose which is His blessings. I think it's human nature to chase for feelings as it is more concrete than His blessings because how do you know that Allah is pleased with you, right? This experience was an eye opener and In shaa Allah, after this, I have to remember to perform my Ibadah for Allah's sake (memburu keredhaan-Nya). I think with this intention in heart, the sweetness of Iman would be a reward from Him.

I know that the journey is not going to be easy, but it was never meant to be easy. Recently, I have been feeling so down, feeling as though I'm losing faith and even fardhu prayers seems such a chore to me. I know I shouldn't be feeling this way so it's about time I start fighting against my own demons. I should be thankful that despite that laziness to pray, Allah has not forsaken me and He still chooses me to perform my prayers. It's that little spark of Iman and fear towards Allah that is still keeping me going, Alhamdulillah.

To end this humble piece of writing, allow me to quote Yasmin Mogahed:
"When your Iman is low, don't let it go"

Farhanah Adam.

Helping Someone in Depression

Often times, those facing depression feel as if they are a burden for those around them although it might not be the truth at all. Although they are aware that they still do have friends and family who deeply care for them, being in the depressed state places them in such a vulnerable position that they fail to believe this. They end up feeling as though they are a burden and that the world would be a better place without them being present. Those are the feelings and thoughts that I used to experience frequently and I still do experience it every now and then. Depression is not a one day or two day battle. It's more like a battle of the mind and emotions as one would have to battle the demons of his or her own thoughts and emotions in order to prevent self-destructive actions.

In Shaa Allah, in this post, I would like to highlight a few steps that one could do to help those suffering from depression. However, I am not sure if this would apply to everyone facing the similar problem as everyone has different personalities. Nevertheless, I can be certain of one thing which is that if you do know someone who is suffering from depression, please do reach out to them and tell them that you care, especially if they are your loved ones. Do not let them to continue drowning into the state of loneliness and despair.

1. Be aware that they feel as if they are a burden

As I mentioned earlier, those suffering from depression would feel as if they are burdensome. Their thoughts and feelings often don't make sense. Mostly, they would be aware that everything that's going on is 'irrational and stupid' which hence results in them having the perception that if they share their troubles with their friends of family members, they are being a burden. This thought also arises as they feel that others would need to attend to other more important things in their life (work, studies & etc.) instead of being there for them and listening to their troubles. So, what you have to do to help is that you have to convince them that you are willing to listen and that you would try your best to be there for them. It's also very crucial to tell them that you don't feel it's burdensome as you care for them. However, the tricky part is in convincing and proving to these individuals that you really do care about them and you want to help in the best possible way to understand their situation.

2. Proving that you care

Individuals suffering from depression tend to have very high expectations in relationships. They often feel lonely and depressed which would usually make them withdraw from their friends and family. It usually takes a lot of effort for them to open up about their feelings of depression even to those closest to them as they have the fear of being judged. However, once they start opening up, they tend to be dependent on you to be their listeners. 

They also tend to be overly sensitive if they don't get replies to messages (even if it could be a simple Hello/ how are you text). They get hurt very easily and would assume that you are not replying to their messages as you are tired of listening to their troubles. Even if you do reply but it doesn't meet their expectations (maybe they sent you an essay long message but you only replied with two sentences), it will cause them to feel that they are burdensome. This may even result in them withdrawing from you by not replying to your messages, withdrawing from the social media, switching off their phones and so on. What you should do when this occurs is try your best to reach them in whatever way possible. Continue SMS-ing, calling or sending them emails to let them know that you do care for them. Even if they don't reply, just continue to find ways to tell them that they are loved and being cared for. Eventually, once they regain their trust in you that you do care for them, they will start opening up again. 

You also have to understand that they don't like being dependent on people to share their feelings but
 if they don't do so, it eats them up on the inside. So, it's important for you to give them the message that you don't mind them being dependent as you know that they are going through a hard time. This can be done by not simply waiting for them to send you messages or calling for help. Instead, you should check on them often (every 2 days or so) to see how they are doing. 

3. Make them feel needed

Those suffering from depression would have thoughts that the world would be a better place without them. They often feel that they are not needed by their friends and family. People around those suffering from depression would often assume that they wouldn't want to add burden to these individuals by asking for help or sharing their troubles with those suffering from depression. This perception simply makes things worse for depressed individuals as their thought of 'not being needed' is reinforced.

Therefore, if you do have a friend or family member going through depression, you should do the opposite of this. Make them feel like they belong and that they are a huge part of your life. Share your troubles with them and seek for their advice. They would feel a lot better knowing that you are sharing your problems with them and that they are not only the one whose being 'dependent'. This would also help them to reduce the the thought that they are being a burden. Helping you in any way possible would make them feel better about themselves.

Besides these 3 ways to help depressed individuals, one of the key points is to be a good listener and avoid statements like 'I know how you feel'. Instead, instill positive vibes in them by saying things like:

~ 'I don't understand what you are going through but I do know that you are going through a difficult time. In Shaa Allah, I will be here to listen when you need me' 

~ 'This must be really difficult for you to endure but keep holding on tight to the rope of Allah as He will never let you down. He is always there, listening and He won't test you more than you can bear. In Shaa Allah, I will try my best to support you in the best way possible and I hope that Allah grants you recovery soon. And don't worry, I don't consider helping you as a burden. We are all like family already so I think it's only right for me to help a friend in need' - a friend once said something along these lines to me and it did make me feel more positive at that point when I felt as if I was drowning in darkness.

It's very important to ensure that whatever you say to them is sincere and comes for the depth of your heart as the words that come from the heart would pierce through the other person's heart and make them feel better, In Shaa Allah. 

So, those are a few tips that I would like to share. Do remember that being friends with someone who is going through depression is not easy and it requires a lot of hard work to maintain such a relationship. It's however one of the most noble things that anyone could do, really. The friends who have helped me through my battle were indeed some of the kindest souls I have met and I can't repay them in any way for being there for me when I needed the support.